A LITTLE BIT SAD...

Tonight I am a little bit sad. After 11 1/2 months of breastfeeding, Alexander is completely weaned. I have been gradually decreasing the number of daily feedings with a goal of weaning by July 1. I was worried before dropping each feeding, but he handled each one really well. My biggest concern was the one right before bed. It just seemed to be so much of what relaxes him and he always seems to be in such a hurry to get to it. Chris was gone tonight (his class is graduating and he is involved in the ceremony) so I was thinking about putting it off until tomorrow, but I decided to try it alone. I know this sounds strange, but I felt like I owed it to Alexander to not hide out in the hallway. I wanted to be in there with him. So, I went through all of our normal routine: bath, diaper and lotion, pajamas, and then instead of nursing I gave him a little milk in a sippy cup as I read him his story. He drank it happily, listened to the stories, and when I put him down in his crib he went to sleep quietly. It could not have gone any better, which I am so thankful for.

Before he was born, I really didn't think that I would be able to breastfeed for this long. I figured that teeth would scare me into stopping, but I am so happy that I have been able to give him this gift. This past year, he has been very happy and healthy and I hope that part of that reason is because of my milk. I am happy to officially have my body back to myself, but I feel a loss that my baby no longer needs me in that way. I know that he still needs me in lots and lots of ways and that growing up is a good thing, but I just feel a bit sad. This past year has been a blur and we're going to be celebrating his first birthday in 2 weeks. I just hope that the next 30 years don't go by this quickly, but I'm sure they will.